On Pleasing Others

Why Do We Want to Please People?

We want to please other people because we want to feel that sense of belongingness. Naturally, we tend to initially go with those who are like us because we like ourselves. People who are not like us make us feel afraid, awkward and insecure. Unfortunately, people around us are not always the ones who are like us so this is when we try to please. In order to belong or to be accepted by the other, we do the things that we think will please them. I am not saying though that this is bad in all cases.. For example, in a society, in order for you to not become an outcast, you do things that are lawful. In school, the students follow the rules in order to graduate and not be kicked out. This is also actually totally understandable for those who are just new in, for example a work place where you really have to learn to please your co workers and boss most especially if you so badly want that job of yours. What then are the examples of pleasing others that lead one to danger and is therefore not a good kind of case of pleasing? These are only some of the examples: Among people who are having a hard time building one’s character, most of the time these are people of young age. Since they haven’t had that much life experience, or experience being with a lot of different kinds of people, their perspective is too limited that they have to borrow their beliefs only from the few people they have known or they may just have a very general conception of everything. With these kind of foundation, one can easily be influenced by the others. Their common belief is, “What’s right is what most of us do. What one should have is what most people have.” A person thinking this way uses others perspectives as her parameters of “what-should be or what one should have.” This is because sometimes, we are afraid to follow our individuality for fear of being rejected or not belonging to a group or being singled out. Our individuality suffers and sometimes, it just dies. We fear to not please other people.

We don’t Need to Please

We don’t have to always please anybody. Doing so causes one to become confused with his or her real identity and worse totally loses it. We should let ourselves grow as an individual who at the same time is aware of the norms of the society but not necessarily afraid of going against it when its time to go against it. To be with people who do things that are foreign to us requires us to exert a certain effort that will make them like us. People who grew up without strength of character tends to have a burnout. They will reach that point of doing what they have to do even if they cannot anymore do it because that is what they think will please others. For example, buying clothes which you think are in style. We should keep in mind that to do this is very tiring for we always have to keep up. Why not go for the classics? A lot of fashion gurus in the internet can teach us what these clothes that never go out of fashion are. Buying the latest phone model? The sad news is that almost everyday, a new phone model is being launched so, are you ready to keep up? If you have the money, fine but doesn’t it sound so tiring? In my case, I change my phone every 5 years in average and what causes me to change is when its already not functioning. I didn’t feel any pressure of changing it yearly or twice in a year or more frequently because for me, as long as a phone can do its main function which are for calling and texting, the phone stays with me. I don’t care if its already outdated or if it looks like its big as a phone booth. As long as it works, ill keep it. How about in your beliefs or principles? As we live our lives, we tend to build our principles. Little by little, we discover how the abcs of life must go. We find out what is good and what is bad. What we must and must not do to other people. People pleasers will always feel okay to bend or crush their principles that they have built just so they can please others for fear of being an outcast. This, as we come of age must at least gradually not happen. As we grow old, we must have already known ourselves, what we want in our lives. Our character must already have a firm foundation invincible of whatever beliefs might come our way. We should not fear being alone. As a quotation says, “One courage is a majority.”

The Signs of a People Pleaser

What happened to me, in an attempt to do so, was I got confused with my real identity and worse, I think I totally lost it. In always modifying how I should speak or act in accordance with my illusion of how other people would want to see me speak or act I did not notice that I have been stopping my real identity to grow. I got totally confused and now I don’t know who I really am. I realize that we should let ourselves grow not in accordance with what the society dictates. We should trust our own instincts, be bold in our decisions. We should stand up for what we believe in even if we are the only one who believe. We don’t need to please anybody for as long as what we are doing is for the greater good and just. We should not feel afraid of standing alone.